my brows are my life

I have this picture album on my phone that is a collection of selfies and screenshots of random women’s eyebrows.

Right now you’re asking yourself “why? Is she crazy?” The answer is always yes, ha. But seriously, why would anyone just have a folder of themselves and random eyebrows. Why not the full face? What is it about eyebrows that get her off? You sickos. It has to do with my definition of beauty, finding peace with my own face, and there’s also a pinch of narcissism thrown in there for funsies.

“You would be really pretty if it weren't for your eyebrows."

I never used to even think about my eyebrows. I didn’t pluck them, draw them in, or really even notice them until this one time I was in a hair salon in the motherland. One of the stylists looked at me and said I would be really pretty if it weren’t for my eyebrows. (Those ajhummas, am I right? The savagery knows no bounds.) That’s the first time I learned how short my eyebrows were. According to industry beauty standards, a beautiful eyebrow is supposed to align to the corners of your eye. Between those two points is a feature that gives you proportion, enhances your whole face, and frames your peepers juuuuust right. People can look at you and right away draw conclusions about your mashi based on the shape of your brows and what they bring to your face, your character. Who knew the were so valuable?

After my trip to the hair salon, and the peak ajhumma experience (oh, she also commented on my numerous moles), I became obsessed with eyebrows and apparent lack of. What started out as a flippant comment transformed into a deeper conversation with self about the value I place in my looks and the confidence I gain from my physical appearance. All I could see was how short my eyebrows were, how squat and incomplete they made my face look, how those were the reason I wasn’t pretty. They became the reason for all the negative things in my life. Terrible presentation at work? Because of my bad eyebrows. Dating issues? Because of my short eyebrows. Is this logical? Ha, fuck no. But the snowball connection between these two tiny features and my self worth, the straightness of my posture, the health of my interpersonal relationships - everything connected to confidence went downhill because of those damn eyebrows.

“Now I saw a whole face, a smart, powerful woman, a badass friend."

As I look through the pictures in my album, I can see the phases of my brow evolution. The first time I got my eyebrows done. Buying and trying all sorts of products. Drawing them in SUPER dark (was this the height of confidence or the little man big truck phase?). The need for waterproof makeup and templates. And then nothing. For months and months there isn’t one picture that has been added. And I looked in all of my pictures to see what I was doing during that time - *ahem* what my brows were during. And half of the time I didn’t even do them. You know what happened? I had finally reached adult level DGAF when I turned 35. This was the face I was going to have no matter what, no matter how much makeup I used (which I hated applying and touching up. So much effort for shit that just smears), so I should be happy. Content. And love myself. As I continued to scroll through my pics there’s a confidence and sparkle I started to recognize. Don’t get me wrong - I still did my brows during that time. I just didn’t give them the significance and power they once held over me since that stupid, fateful day in the hair salon. Now I saw a whole face, a smart, powerful woman, a badass friend. And looking back at those pictures, eyebrows done or not, those are the ones I love the most now.